This made me chuckle, well done to whoever made this
We've all been there. You have just gone to a certain place, at a certain time on a certain date, done a special thing and the thing you suspected would happen has just ****ing happened, not to mention the fact that you've just seen whatever the **** it is that lives in your mirror, been told in detail how you're going to die, and the highly demonic and invincible thing you summoned is heading towards you.
Also, your family are all dead, your friends are all missing and you're being framed by someone with access to your bedroom. What the **** do you do now, sweet protagonist?
Well, you've come to the right place to find out: These are the simple rules one must follow in order to firstly, not become the victim of creepypasta and furthermore, to come out kicking if the worst does happen. With the help of this guide you too can be the catatonic, traumatised wreck as opposed to the guy currently being worn as a coat by some dude who roams a lot. Just keep these simple rules in mind...
1. Mirrors and darkness don't mix.
2. Actually mirrors are a general "NO", In creepypasta world, there is nothing more sinister.
3. There is zero chance of survival if you look at the thing that no one else can see or answer its question incorrectly.
4. If you are alone at night in a creepy mental institution, take some time to consider what the **** are you doing there, then, if it is appropriate to do so, leave.
5. Avoid going to places where everyone else who went there never came back or died inexplicably.
6. If someone stops your vehicle at night and asks to come with you, it would probably be in your best interests to politely decline.
7. Killing is the last method of survival, use it sparingly but without fear.
8. WHO WAS PHONE? is always a good thing to ponder. Also who the hell answers a phone while kissing a dead person's sexy daughter. A douche is who.
9. Get a simple .38 revolver. Load it with 2 silver bullets. If you really feel there is no chance to come alive out of a situation, take one shot at whatever's threatening you. If this doesn't work, you still have the last shot to become an hero with.
10. Area 51 is simply too well guarded to let you get in. Or to let any alien out.
11. When going to a hotel, try to steer clear of unauthorized areas. If you couldn't resist but you saw a red thing, take some time to consider the price range and hotel standard on your next visit. Have you ever stayed at a haunted Hilton?
12. When booking your hotel stay, Trip Advisor can be an invaluable tool in deeming whether your choice is the scene of a multiple murder/full of dead people/built at the mouth of hell. Local newspapers can also be helpful.
13. Invoking demons, speaking weird languages and performing rituals of any kind is considered dangerous. Refrain from doing that, especially around abandoned warehouses, churches, psychiatric institutions, woods and your house in front of a mirror at night.
14. When going to a new area, enviromental understanding is a key to survival. Ask around for cursed places, legends, dangers and other details. Listen to the local peoples' advice, and don't be afraid to ask if you're unsure of which attacks/disappearances are paranormal and which aren't.
15. Always have a Bible next to your bed. Provides average reading material, proof of beliefs and a really heavy & effective object to throw at enemies.
16. Don't count on holy water. Get a sturdy vial of sulfuric acid and let a priest consecrate it.
17. Japanese priests cleanse rooms by waving katana swords around. Their ritual is 100% effective on corporeal forms.
18. If you find 666 messages on your phone, mailbox, email, etc consider changing the said service provider. Also don't bother listening /reading the messages. It's spam. Extra dimensional, possibly, but spam nevertheless.
19. Old pharmaceutical companies can't help you. Unless you specifically need “Blood Of The Innocent”, ”Snake Oil”, and “Radioactive Syrup”. Which is never.
20. If you need to sign it in blood, you do not need to sign it. All mainstream governing bodies will accept contracts signed in ink. Bear this in mind if offered deals that seem too good to be true.
21. Lighthouses are dangerous. Avoid them at all costs. If you work at a lighthouse consider a career in insurance sales, or veterinary care.
22. There is simply no reason to listen to music that causes suicidal tendencies...
23. ...or to watch films that have had strange/disastrous consequences..
24. If you like to plan ahead and have some money, buy your auntie and uncle a house in Bel-Air. Nothing can harm you there no matter how scared your mother is.
25. Secret secluded untouched places in old buildings are left untouched for a reason. Pioneers never say “die” but in fact they do have an unusually high mortality rate.
26. Before you start swimming in the ice-cold waters of a murky lake at the center of a dark forest at midnight, ask yourself, do you really want to travel to an ancient and terrifying city? If the answer is "no," then stay at home instead, and watch whatever quality programming is available on Cinemax.
27. On your 33rd birthday try celebrating in a well lit house with the company of others.
28. Refrain from using the One True Name for anything; there is probably a reason people gave it a nick.
29. Watching TV static for long periods may be hazardous to your health. Try satellite TV or Freeview to combat this problem.
30. Get a cat. Those furry little hairballs seem to perceive unnatural phenomena better than us, and if desperate, simply throw it at whatever is about to get you.
31. Safety in numbers. If you're getting a bit too freaked out, grab a few friends, any and all firearms, and avoid the area in question.
32. Cemeteries are bad places, especially in foggy conditions and on Halloween.
33. Try not to close your eyes, ever. If you must, do so only briefly. If something has moved from its original location in the time it has taken you to blink, it is best that you do not blink again untill you have dealt with said object.
34. If you ever find an unmarked tape which contains the file extension ".avi", even if it's of your favourite kid's show, do not, under any circumstances, watch that tape.
35.If you hear chanting, run until you are out of earshot.
36. If you are too old to play with dolls, you do not need to be anywhere near one of the creepy little things.
37. Legends can offer valuable insight of where not to go camping with friends.
38. When babysitting, ascertain the family's tastes and preferences, to avoid being killed by poorly selected statues.
39. Even if you are certain that running will not save you, it is always best to try.
40. If you go to buy a used video game, whether it's at a game shop or a garage sale, never EVER buy one with a weird-looking cartridge. This includes strange colors, altered covers, and ripped off labels with titles written in marker. The latter tends to happen more often than not. You should also be highly suspicious of games priced too cheaply and bootlegs.
41. If you decide to buy the used game anyway, rip that son of a ***** out of your console the moment it starts acting funny and take a hammer to it.
42. One last thing that must be written, if you ever see a strangely new-looking doorway with strange face on it, on a building you swore you didn't see at first and the building happens to be an old chateau, don't ****ing open it.
43. It's probably best to refrain from looking up on Google the phrase "huskies with grins". You'll just end up having to spread the word.
44. Never allow someone to take a picture of you with an outdated camera. If it's too late, your only bet is to gamble with Death. Or just trap him in a photo. That works too.
45. Don't play with dolls if they come with a needle or a defect. Especially a defect.
46. Burn ouija boards, but be sure to have one of those car freshners handy. The real reason why spirits get pissed off because of that foul aroma that it produces when burned.
47. Never confront animated puppets physically. Subdue them with spells or they'll come back with minions or in a real physical body.
Follow these simple rules and little (or massive) harm may befall you. Either way, the important thing is to make sure your tale is told, copied, and pasted repeatedly.